In this modern era, there are still some people priorities to please people other than achieving own happiness. In fact, it is okay to have the willingness to make people around happy and proud of what you do. But, the question is do you happy with decisions? Did you do it for yourself or others? Will you regret it later? You are lucky if you have the same interests as other. However, if you force yourself to do what you don’t like to please people around you, you need to think about it again. Will it affect you after you are not with that people anymore? Cause, in the end, this is your life.
I understand, sometimes other happiness becomes a pressure when they are your close friends or even a family. Prioritizing other can be one of the barriers for us to reach own goal. And I think I’m so lucky because I surrounded by people who support my willingness and never put any pressure on my shoulder. However, there will come a time when you are in the environment that gives you pressure by comparing you with your siblings or your classmates. I’ve been in that position during my school period. I understand every teacher wants us to the best thing to reach the best result. Unconsciously, the compare me with my sister (who is really smart academically) and compare with other classmates who have a better performance than me. During that time, I have a perception that we only can be good if we follow to how environment shapes us. I believe that I have no talent and I wasn’t smart like others. It made me create a barrier to protect myself. I don’t really like to have a social life like others, I don’t like to talk to others because I can’t trust them to be my friend.
Other’s expectation makes me did something that I don’t like only to please them. I might study really hard just to get a good score but I never like the subject. I tried to be someone who people wants but I never enjoy it. Of course, when you reach 17 or 18 some of you might have an identity crisis. It is because you pretend to be someone that you don’t like just to get recognition from people around. Teenager period is the hardest time for me. I forced myself to be other and make them like me, not just the way I am.
Well, I never regret what I did at that time. I reflect myself again, are they worth it? I need to make them accept me but I need to be someone else? Will that make me happy? Growing up and learning from the new environment. I understand something that I should understand since long time ago. Each person is unique, not everyone will smart in academic. We will have our own talent that makes us equal with others. Some people might good at sport, art, academic, or music. I can say that never underestimate your power. you are so much better than what you think of.
There are 3 things that I learn to be kind to yourself:
The first is Forgive Yourself. You might do something in the past that upset you and make you think that you are not worthy to have a better life. Everyone do a mistake, it is normal. Make it a life lesson for you to improve and never look back on it. You can be angry and blame yourself, don’t let it distract you. Show yourself a kindness and forgive yourself. That’s hard and I also still learn from it. Don’t need to be ashamed of it.
The second is Respect Yourself. You need to understand that you have value in your life. Never let other people down just because you are in the minority group. Also, never compare yourself to other. It will have no end. If you feel you are not enough, improve yourself. Learn from others, think that you are capable to improve. Trust to yourself and never give up to what you do. By respecting yourself, you will have new motivation to learn new things and develop something good inside you. In the end, self-respect is when you able to keep your promise to yourself. A promise that you willing to change for your own good, not for others. Be kind to yourself by deeply respecting yourself.
The last thing is Treat Yourself. A reward is important to motivate you and keep you on track. Give yourself a special time when you can admire yourself. You can buy something for yourself. But, don’t let it be a consumerism behavior in the future.
These 3 actions are good practice for me during my hardest time. I can’t deny that it is hard the first time and I still learn to do it until now. I want my self to change to be a good person just the way I am and not because of the pressure of the society. The process might be taking more time but the result also will stick with you for a long time.
Don’t let judgment from people bring you down and distract you to learn. You are much better than what people think!